Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
