No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
