did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
