I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I want her autograph on my taint
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
