At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize