theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
