Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
