i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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