i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
