best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
This house was built for laser tag.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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