Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
