What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I still have a little drunk in my system
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
