I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
