It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
