Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
