see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
