We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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