Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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