I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize