OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Just pee around me
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
