I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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