I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Randomize
