I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
BRING THE BAGELS
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
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