; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
