I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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