Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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