As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
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