Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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