So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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