Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
