I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
The Olympian is in my bed
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize