The maid of honor just puked.
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
