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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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