I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
