is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
