I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
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