was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
