people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize
