Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
...so i touched it.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Randomize
