what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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