I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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