Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
