The maid of honor just puked.
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
