why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Randomize
