It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
