if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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