Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
