I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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