erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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