the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
