When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
