At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
