Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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