just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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