What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
