And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
