I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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