He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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